electricity

Crossroads..

thats wat life is all about. am about to ditch another one in the BIN. and its not becoming my favourite game.
Altho i have to admit, that this time it lasted for a while.
I still have to give one more gift and that will be IT.

Ok and there's the issue about the cat ofcourse.
Once he secures the cat, he's done for it.
i really and truely feel horrible about what am doing right now, but there's no escaping it. i was honest to myself rite from the beginning. i gave him another chance; just like i was advised. But cupid, has struck his arrow somewhere else.

Anyway, mirror mirror on the wall..
where is he ?

propoSal

i cant -- i seriously cant believe that its been that long since i last wrote in here.
anyway, my world is a mplete whirlwill of ups and downs.. so many things has happend the previous two months that i donno where to start.

Most significantly tho, i got proposed to by the most unlikely person to propse on this earth. His proposal came as a total shock to me, where its effects caused sadness rather than joy, tears rather than laughter and a lot of unhappy thoughts.

I had to, forcibly, quit my double edged 'silly' life, knowing that there is no point of return to the womb of carelessness. Oh the rush of feelings have escaped my soul.. what i feel now is numbness.

The irony which consistently seeks my life as a companion has halted my 'supposed' engagement to this person whom i RESPECT very much and right now,, i feel that am juggling insanity with arms wide open.. i ve reached the Pit of actualization and can no longer take the twistedness of fate.

Most of all, i miss my half, my soul, my total existence. and when i say i miss, i mean, i die a thousand deaths a day and wonder,, what should 've been.

Ihave to say that ive stopped my diet and am off to take a bite of yummy chocolate.
Perhaps we meet very soon.

the words

today i received a call from a friend ive known for the past 7 years and he summarized that am no longer a COOL person

then i made another call to a friend who so frankly said: enti 3anasti.

well thank you friends, i guess this is wat friends are for.. to spit out the truth to you, disregarding any boundries of respect for feelings.

did i mention that those two friends are guys?

i could summarize my past week as hellish for the following reasons:

-- a lot of girls i know are getting engaged to a lot of rich ppl
-- a friend of mine arrived from the UK and right now am just not in the mood for entertainement.. i had 2 endure a 3 hour long 'wifes' chatting' about kids, married life and then kids again.. i had to pass my hand overy my tummy and feel its emptiness for the millionth time.. only to be shocked by the truth that i am not actually married.. :)
-- i was not invited to a fun engagement party.. not that i care much about the girl, but a lot of my friends are attending; it would have been nice to be there.
-- my boss quit; making that in itself a total disaster
-- having to go thru the stupid feeling of being unloved and totally deserted.

anyway, another hellish week to pass thru.

Dimashq

its not and will not be how i intend to live my life. again im stuck in a sticky situation,, where i cant let go nor get too attached.

right now, am in self loathing status.

Impressive

Its amazing how ppl have gone to xtreme lengths to make their blogs look terrific. i tried goofing around and im not yet happy w/ the result; however i prefer this layout to the preivous Black.

Black was a description of state a couple of years ago in my life.
how did i feel: black
wat am i wearing: black
wat do i c: black
name: ummm , black?
wat movies do i like: meet Joe Black (off topic)

Who has time to read wat other ppl are currently feeling, thinking, eating, doing at this very moment? i xpect this is just another form of keeping a journal, xcept that you get to type it neatly and its no longer private (even if you priviligize your entries).

enough of this worthless rant.. grandpa is ill and im having nightmares.
he's supposed to attend my wedding and God knows if ill ever get married that is. prospects are currently nill.

1st thing's 1st

It's all sounding too silly for me..
i already feel like a subordinate.. being one speck of waste in this huge universe.. i wouldnt even label myself as a speck; when mother earth obviously plays a bigger role at being just that.
so am left with the rediculed fact that am just another 'show off w/ no obvious talent for writing' person; whose hopes at the moment are compromised of finding a suitable attire to wear to work tomorrow.
another indulgence, wud be an instant blog success that would turn my already over sized ego to XXXL.

Anyway, hopefully ill remember to return, if i remember that im now officially registered as an up to date member of the cyber world. Perhaps i owe this world a favour by returning; altho my xistence will be limited to my own; as my normal human like friends,, are just that: human non bloggers.

goodnite.